ENTERTAINMENT IN 2013

 

                       Entertainment in 2013

  Hey there, guys! We are motoring through the new year, and before we get too much farther, I wanted to do a very quick piece on some of the top works to look forward to this year.  This year is bringing many huge projects to the big screen and I'm going to recap the ten I believe are the most important to see.  So take notes!

  Though it's not part of the list, it is important to note for readers that "Bloodfire Quest", the newest addition from Terry Brooks is now in store.  It is a  very exciting read, with roots that are buried in the Elfstones of Shannara and the High Druid Series. The finalizing sequel is due out this summer.   Diehard Shannara fans, you will not be disappointed.  As always, Brooks shines.

  Despite not being a huge gamer, I'm also pleased to announce that Starcraft 2-Heart of the Swarm is now currently available.   It breaks my heart that the incredible storyline embedded here is limited to video game players only. Heart of the swarm is simply amazing, especially when we become immersed and personalized with the Swarm, a ravenous, brutal race known as the Zerg.  In Starcraft, the sheer brutality and insectual expendability was truly a wonderful shift from the human aspect, but they were singularily portrayed with no deeper desire other than to kill at the whims of the Overmind.  With Heart of the Swarm, we will see a very heavy, humanistic, emotional influence that will be mixed with the animalistic instincts of the Zerg. The potential for this is overwhelming.  While there are novels out there that convey some of the storyline, it does not portray the betrayal and the notions of race that Starcraft has become so famous for. Heart of the Swarm also captures the iconic and beautiful love story between Sarah Kerrigan and Jim Raynor. Perhaps one day we shall see it on the big screen...maybe one day...

  On to the article.

#10.  Oz: The Great and Powerful

 

  Coming in at tenth place is Oz: The Great and Powerful.  For most people, they would likely rank this one higher.  For me, I think that this movie by itself draws too heavily on the Wizard of Oz. The young cast of Mila Kunis and James Franco unfortunately must rely on the massively influential work of the original film.  While the movie is ultimately enjoyable and a visual achievement, the challenge for the actors lies in drawing their characters well enough that it not only will stand alone, but also will ultimately benefit "The Wizard of Oz" rather than taking away from it.  Still worth a look.

 

#9.  Kick-Ass 2

  For those who have not seen the original Kick-Ass, I will tell you that I was pleasantly suprised with this movie.  From the trailers, it seemed like a farsical superhero movie with unlikely candidates.  Upon watching the movie, I was pleased to see that the movie actually asks great personal questions regarding power and purpose, and presented a movie with a very dark edge rather than a goofy ten movie.  Toward the end, I was actually swept up with the plot and when the ending arrived with the cliffhanger, I vowed the sequel would be viewed with a much more open mind.  So here's keeping my promise.

 

#8. Hunger Games: Catching Fire

  If Kick-Ass 2 is to be watched with a more open mind, I daresay that Catching Fire will be more closeminded.  The first book/movie was more or less a success, with nods to Richard Connell's "The Most Dangerous Game".  My personal view of the books is one of overall satisfaction, with the exception of the third book.   It feels as though creativity was drying up, and with the growing trend of series writing, it became more important for the author to write another book than to create a valid ending of a story.  No doubt, the third movie of the set could actually benefit the book by capturing a much more visual and comprehensive story, but the third book alone is crap, and not very well written.  Catching Fire should be entertaining enough, and Hollywood can turn this good book into a formidable sequel.  So enjoy the second installment, and we'll see if it cannot salvage the third.

 

#7.  Percy Jackson: Sea of Mgonsters

  Although boasting a slightly more juvenile standpoint to Greek mythology, I was pleased with the first Percy Jackson movie, the story of a young boy who learns that he is the son of Poseidon, and strives to gain identity while solving a mystery. Perhaps it was because Sean Bean is Zeus...Nevertheless, I'm interested in seeing this sequel.  My wish is that the writers shed the light, comic air that plagued the first and tap into a heavier, dramatic aspect.

 

#6. Star Trek into Darkness

  Yes, I hate myself for this one.  I am a Star Wars fan, through and through.  I hate Star Trek, but I did see the first movie that came a few years back, and it was entertaining enough.  I concede to you, Trekkies, and I will watch your damn second movie...but let it be said that Star Wars and Stargate are far better in general.  I may boast an open mind, but not without drawing my line in the sand! 

 

#5. Iron Man 3

   Since the Avengers, it is safe to say we will likely be seeing much more Marvel in the future.  We are now squarely at their mercy.  Iron Man 3 is due out very soon, and to the credit of the writers, the trailer looks incredibly well done.  It may be less of the "Tony Stark" persona and may reach a much  more personal level with Downey's character building.  Regardless, if I were to guess, this newest movie is chosen for a reason: This movie should raise the stakes for the multitude of Marvel movies coming out, so they'll likely start their lineup with a bang.  Don't screw it up, Ant Man.

 

#4.  Hobbit: Desolation of Smaug

   Ah, the milking of Tolkien's book "The Hobbit" should prove that we as a society are shameless.  I bet you have already seen the first one, and the general consensus is that most people were not even aware that the movie was only the first part of the book.  At least Harry Potter had the decency to say "Part One" and "Part Two" for their final pic.  As I seen this in theatre, the crowd groaned in agony as the credits rolled mid-story.  For this, I recommend that every one of those people read my column before seeing part two of the Hobbit.  Did you know that the Hobbit will also be a trilogy?  Now you have no excuse for being left high and dry with the Desolation of Smaug! 

  As for the movie, not much needs to be said.  As long as it is visually stunning and captivating as normal, the movie will have no troubles.  However, if I see any more of Frodo or anyone who is a remote doppelganger of Elijah Wood, heads will roll.

 

#3. Red 2

   Action movies are a dime a dozen.  As far as Bruce Willis is concerned, he will always be known for his roles in the Die Hard Saga.  However, I believe as an action star, Red does a much better job capturing our bald badass.  Assisted by Morgan Freeman, Helen Mirren and John Malkovich, there is really so much room for success in "Red".  The first movie had excellent writing, and the comedy was incredibly subtle and witty.  With the second installment to be released, Red 2 can only be improved upon, and my recommendation is that you watch both.  And by recommend, I mean demand.  

 

#2. Despicable Me 2

  Alas, my guilty obsession will come true, and I shall take my place amongst mothers and school-deprived children this summer.  Despicable Me 2 is sure to be a blast, despite the fact that I know nothing about the plot.  I hear talks of aliens, but does it matter?  The minions will make this entire movie, so I really couldn't care how good or bad this movie is.  Papoi.

 

#1. Thor: The Dark Worlds

   Yes, another Marvel movie.  I believe that while the first Thor was visually impressive with the creation of Asgard and the BiFrost (the thing that looks scarily like Mariokart's Rainbow Road), the movie rushed to build the characters and it was a bit shaky.  The love story between Liam Hemsworth and Natalie Portman was lukewarm at best.  Thank god, or Thor, that Anthony Hopkins was there to save the day.  Thor: The Dark Worlds should be much better, since the movie will once again feature Thor and Loki, and will likely explore the actual story with greater detail.  Coming out in November, I place my bet on Thor 2 to capture the underdog crown this year.



*Movies in the running*

-After Earth featuring Will Smith-didn't make the list due to a less than impressive trailer.

-The Hangover Part 3-While I belong to the group that believes the second was better than the first, I also believe the third will not impress.  Where will they lose a friend now, outer space?

-World War Z-Did not make the cut due to Brad Pitt as the star.  Let's hope he gets eaten.  Go Zombieland

-Man of Steel-So many superheroes, so many superman movies.  Should be ok though. 

-The Wolverine-Ditto-There are too many Marvel movies already on the list, and this would be overkill.  It would be like capturing a Rattata with a master ball.

-Anchorman 2-Please, please, please do not suck.

 

*UPDATE* MARCH 12/2012

                           MIND THE GAP!            

  

    Yes you are seeing correctly.  This would be a child's birthday cake today at Chinook.  Cupcakes surround the outside of the cake, while a piece of fondant is sprinkled with colored candy and a few select...go carts.  Creativity has indeed reached a new peak, folks, as I present you the Rainbow Road birthday cake.   "What is rainbow road?"  You need to get out more.  In Mariokart games, Rainbow road is a ridiculously ridiculous course that seems to have too much color and not enough roadblocks, so the player spends too much time falling off the edge and not enough time actually racing.  In the picture above, the carts are indeed flying through the air, while racing around a giant King Boo.  Had I packed my extra large suitcase, it would have been the first time I indeed stole candy from a baby.  Or perhaps more accurately, road candy cupcakes from a six year old who wouldn't appreciate the true beauty of this art piece.  Relax Timmy, stop crying.  You can't have your cake and eat it too.

Also in this issue:

-Mind the Gaptooth-"Goon" featuring Sean William Scott is reviewed.

-Micromillions:  Mastermind or Mook?-Pokerstars' newest tournament attracts my teeny tiny online bankroll.  I unveil my strategy going into the series.

-Let Gord's light shine....I go toe to toe with an unknown adversary, and bestow upon him the Wrath of Gord.   
Hope you enjoy!
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Mind the Gaptooth:  Scott's new movie "Goon" is a surprise smash.  

 So I just return from work last Saturday, thinking I have just a nice quiet evening to chill and relax

and forget the day, when I receive a text from my buddy checking for a hangout.  While I am not really feeling the vibe of going out and partying, he throws the idea of catching a show out (which is different for him) so I change up and head out.  No surprise "Goon" is our target show for the evening as we are both hockey buffs, so tickets are bought, air hockey is played (table was broken so I didn't win.) and seats are now filled.
 

  "Goon" was based on a true life scenario revolving around Enforcer Doug Smith.  Sean William Scott plays Doug Glatt, (inspired from Smith's story) a big softie who can fight, but his skating sucks bigtime.  Here are some of the highlights.

  Actor Jay Baruchel both helped to write and perform in the movie "Goon".  A downside to the story is that a lot of Baruchel's comedy is not intended for a younger audience.  While kids wouldn't necessarily watch this show anyways, it still is unfortunate to have the show slightly dampened by the vulgarity.  On the flipside, Liev Schrieber (Salt) stars opposite Scott as Ross Rhea, a bigtime baddie who was sent down from the NHL in his final years after serving a 20 game suspension for taking a stick and whacking some guy in the back of the head.  This is where "Goon" shines.  The movie is not centered around the sport of hockey so much.  It more focuses on these "Goon" characters, who in the older days were big behemoth players whose sole purpose was to go and physically wear down the stars of the opposing team.  Skating prowess and shooting ability did not matter so much, it was solely about the size and dominance of the enforcer that secured his spot.  While the NHL is currently trying to wean these players out, enforcers are still key parts of the game.  Perhaps my big D-Man Douglas Murray should watch this show, and perhaps he could throw the Sharks back into the Playoff spots.  I'm not saying....I'm just saying.
 

  Liev Schrieber is amazing.  His role in this movie, while fun, was still relayed with such acting professionalism.  He played the role unbelievably.  He has one scene in a diner where he relates his story and woes to Scott's character, Glatt.  The wisdom he portrays is easily accepted as true, and looking at Liev, he seems to have those memories in his eyes.  Another credit to the writers is that they didn't make Schrieber's character a complete heel.  Ross Rhea is the antagonist, but at the same time, he has the feel of a good guy.      

  Allison Pill's performance is smaller, but satisfactory.  Perhaps it has something to do with the fact that she is much better looking in this show than in Scott Pilgrim vs. the World.  Hard to say.

  Biggest surprise?  Doug Glatt is actually a nice guy.  It was so odd to see Scott William Scott in a nice role.  It was tough to imagine, but Scott pulls it off.  It was a successful role too, as the smallest things he does will win you over, such as refusing to step on the team logo with his skate.  In amongst the blood and tears, he does a supreme job shedding his former raunchy, rude credits (Stiffler, Wheeler, etc.) and donning a completely new, positive persona. Now, that being said, bring on the American Reunion.

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 Mastermind or Mook?

  I spend a lot of time around poker.  While my job certainly accounts for a lot of that time, I do like to dowse in a bit of reading and play as well.  I try to avoid online play when possible, as it tends to do more harm than good. 

  Poker is a game.  It involves luck.  It involves skill.  Those two factors do not waiver.  So many people believe it is all one way or another, but it is not true.  If I can decipher your actions so indepthly that I can pinpoint your cards down to the suit, I've all but eradicated the luck portion.  That being said, if you can only catch one of two cards to win in a deck of 52, it is not impossible. 
Poker is a river...you can only steer it.  If you try to control it, you will only capsize.  Ride it when it flows well, rest when the waters are still. 

  I have not played much lately.  I am taking more financially responsible steps lately (or trying anyway)  and do not have a bankroll.  Sure, if I wanted I could sit into a game with no bankroll, but that's no good.  So I'm carrying on my usual playless day when an email comes in from Pokerstars.  Apparently starting Friday they have a new series of events that are all micros.  You can buy in for tournaments as low as eleven cents, and the payoffs are going to be much larger than a standard tournament.  At this point, my account is riding on bones.  I have only got around $100 dollars to my name there, so this will provide me many chances of scoring a nice payday.  For instance, the prize pool in the 11 cent tournament is $25,000.  The largest event, price tag is $22, pays over $150,000 to first with a 1,000,000 prize pool!  So this tournament will be seeing a lot of me.

  While the events are soooo juicy, I do not play a ton of hold'em online.  This tournament will draw tons of people, and the straight fact is, most of these players do not know squat about the game.  This actually gives them an advantage.  They make a dumb move that the better players do not anticipate because it is a ludicrous play and it could send the pro to the rail at any moment.  But here's the beauty.  They have some mixed games as well, including my favorite game,  PLO8.  Pot Limit Omaha with an 8 or better split.  Rather than conventional hold'em, Omaha gives you four cards, but you must play two and only two.  In hold'em, if four diamonds land on your board, and you have the ace of diamonds, you got the biggest flush possible.  If you have the ace of diamonds and three black cards in Omaha, and four diamonds come, you do not have the flush.  You MUST use two of your cards.  Not only that, but Eight-Or-Better split adds another weird twist.  You are not only trying to get the best five card hand, but the worst five card hand as well.  So many people avoid this game because of the complexity, and the amateurs that play it are well liked because the theory is so tricky that they often ship money to bigger players faster than Fedex.  Most of my success comes from PLO8, so I will be definitely playing that one. 

 I will be keeping a spreadsheet of how I do, where I place, any potential earnings, etc.  You will find it on here when I include a new post.  Good luck to all my friends playing as well.  Hee haw.

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The Book of Disciples:  Wherein the Gord inspires Logan.

 I posted a story on my facebook page a while ago about an idiot that phoned me at work and his lack of IQ managed to corner me.  I got tons of reviews and feedback about it, and it was received well. 
I received a request just before that from a bowler I've known for years that I should chronicle the idiots I run across in my jobs.  While this a) gives the idiot too much credit and b) is too much work and a potential liability, sometimes it is worth writing about. 

  In my high school days, I got a tip to visit a website in my tech. class.  This tip lead to the usual path of no homework being done, time wasted, and a large amount of unconventional wisdom.  www.actsofgord.com is forever a favorite.  Yes, it is meant as a play of words on "Acts of God".  

No offense meant.

  "The Gord" is a former video game store owner, and has chronicled his stories of idiot customers, weird events, and cherished memories.  By all means, check it out.  It is well worth the read, even more so if you are familiar with Video Games. Here is my story:

  I was at work yet again (a theme in my life) and a group is bowling on friday night. I have not been feeling well that day, and my frustration was at a "Moderate" level, or yellow if you go camping and only know the word moderate through the fire danger signs.   While the Gord is long gone...and missed...I am inspired to this day with his customer service abilities.  His phrase "Door's to your left" awakes me in my sleep.  So there I am, spraying shoes, when I am alerted by the crashing of balls on the lane.  I look up to see two twits throwing multiple balls at a lane that is turned off.  While my cohort begins to type a message to their screen, I have taken action.

 Grabbing the microphone, which instantly elevates my voice louder than theirs, I ask them to stop throwing balls because their lane is turned off.  True, it was turned off BECAUSE they were idiots, but seeing as how they have had a couple of boozies, no need to get technical.  I omitted the information about how they could blow the sensor, or damage something else equally as expensive. 

  Thing 1 and Thing 2 decide I was not talking to them, and proceed to return firing at the dead lane. 
I have had enough.  Normally, I am slightly more patient, but I'm sick, they are stupid, and enough is enough.  Back to the microphone!
"HEY! DON'T MAKE ME PHYSICALLY REMOVE YOU!"

Now I've got the attention of everybody.  Seems like I've embarrassed these two.

Success!  The renegade bowling has stopped.  They are now silent as they rejoin their group and take off the bowling shoes.  My coworker has not said anything, but I figure if I'm to be disciplined, I'd gladly receive it for a win, not a loss. 
Things 1 and 2 come to the counter with their shoes, put them on the counter.  Then, to my disbelief, formed words start coming from their mouths.
Thing 1:  "Yo man, what wuzzat?  You got sumthin to say?"
Oh the window of opportunity.  I wish we weren't inside so the clouds could part for this one.
"Yes, as a matter of fact.  Doors to your left."
Thing 1: "What choo say???."

Logan:  "I made it as clear as possible.  Get lost."

"Yo man, you can't say that to me.  You know who I am? You wanna find out?."
"New plan, get the hell out. Now."

Thing 2 comes up now. 
Thing 1: "Come on, you gonna throw me out?"
Logan: "I would love to, but I already told security they could."
Thing 2: "Go ahead, call security."
*Blink Blink*
Logan: "Uhh...if you want me to I gladly will.  Or you could get the hell out of my bowling centre. Your call."

At this point, Thing 2 starts telling my cohort about how I should "watch it." 
While my cohort is indeed my superior, he has been silent until now. 
Cohort: "Well, he did tell you to stop nicely, we ..."

Thing 2: "I don't care..He still better watch himself."

Thing 1-to Me: "Bring it on."

Ever see a dog's ears perk up when food is poured into it's bowl?  That was similar to my reaction.
Apparently skinny dweeb wasn't expecting me to rise to the challenge. 
Thing 1 and Thing 2 leave, still telling me to watch it. 

 Apparently the alcohol has created something that I cannot see, because I'm evidently still failing to watch what I'm supposed to be watching.
They leave the center, still pointing at me through the glass door, mouthing words which I assume were either "watch it" (creative) or crotch-itch.  Either way, I figure now that they are gone and the powder keg has failed to ignite, time to resume being professional from my momentary lapse.
Or maybe not.  I was never good with temptation. 
The last thing they saw as they left was me at the counter, with the biggest smile I could possibly muster on my face.  Good riddance, buttheads.
Now...where was the rest of the group? Oh yeah, handing in their shoes, all untied, apologizing for their friends, who were in danger of not getting a ride home.  I love happy endings.
Still no word from dillholes...if anyone has figured out what I'm supposed to be watching, please inform me at once.

Dear Gord....I love you.  

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That is all for today guys.  Have a great week, sleep well, and watch it.

Logan