MIND THE GAP!
Yes you are seeing correctly. This would be a child's birthday cake today at Chinook. Cupcakes surround the outside of the cake, while a piece of fondant is sprinkled with colored candy and a few select...go carts. Creativity has indeed reached a new peak, folks, as I present you the Rainbow Road birthday cake. "What is rainbow road?" You need to get out more. In Mariokart games, Rainbow road is a ridiculously ridiculous course that seems to have too much color and not enough roadblocks, so the player spends too much time falling off the edge and not enough time actually racing. In the picture above, the carts are indeed flying through the air, while racing around a giant King Boo. Had I packed my extra large suitcase, it would have been the first time I indeed stole candy from a baby. Or perhaps more accurately, road candy cupcakes from a six year old who wouldn't appreciate the true beauty of this art piece. Relax Timmy, stop crying. You can't have your cake and eat it too.
Also in this issue:
-Mind the Gaptooth-"Goon" featuring Sean William Scott is reviewed.
-Micromillions: Mastermind or Mook?-Pokerstars' newest tournament attracts my teeny tiny online bankroll. I unveil my strategy going into the series.
-Let Gord's light shine....I go toe to toe with an unknown adversary, and bestow upon him the Wrath of Gord.
Hope you enjoy!
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Hope you enjoy!
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Mind the Gaptooth: Scott's new movie "Goon" is a surprise smash.
So I just return from work last Saturday, thinking I have just a nice quiet evening to chill and relax
and forget the day, when I receive a text from my buddy checking for a hangout. While I am not really feeling the vibe of going out and partying, he throws the idea of catching a show out (which is different for him) so I change up and head out. No surprise "Goon" is our target show for the evening as we are both hockey buffs, so tickets are bought, air hockey is played (table was broken so I didn't win.) and seats are now filled.
"Goon" was based on a true life scenario revolving around Enforcer Doug Smith. Sean William Scott plays Doug Glatt, (inspired from Smith's story) a big softie who can fight, but his skating sucks bigtime. Here are some of the highlights.
Actor Jay Baruchel both helped to write and perform in the movie "Goon". A downside to the story is that a lot of Baruchel's comedy is not intended for a younger audience. While kids wouldn't necessarily watch this show anyways, it still is unfortunate to have the show slightly dampened by the vulgarity. On the flipside, Liev Schrieber (Salt) stars opposite Scott as Ross Rhea, a bigtime baddie who was sent down from the NHL in his final years after serving a 20 game suspension for taking a stick and whacking some guy in the back of the head. This is where "Goon" shines. The movie is not centered around the sport of hockey so much. It more focuses on these "Goon" characters, who in the older days were big behemoth players whose sole purpose was to go and physically wear down the stars of the opposing team. Skating prowess and shooting ability did not matter so much, it was solely about the size and dominance of the enforcer that secured his spot. While the NHL is currently trying to wean these players out, enforcers are still key parts of the game. Perhaps my big D-Man Douglas Murray should watch this show, and perhaps he could throw the Sharks back into the Playoff spots. I'm not saying....I'm just saying.
Liev Schrieber is amazing. His role in this movie, while fun, was still relayed with such acting professionalism. He played the role unbelievably. He has one scene in a diner where he relates his story and woes to Scott's character, Glatt. The wisdom he portrays is easily accepted as true, and looking at Liev, he seems to have those memories in his eyes. Another credit to the writers is that they didn't make Schrieber's character a complete heel. Ross Rhea is the antagonist, but at the same time, he has the feel of a good guy.
Allison Pill's performance is smaller, but satisfactory. Perhaps it has something to do with the fact that she is much better looking in this show than in Scott Pilgrim vs. the World. Hard to say.
Biggest surprise? Doug Glatt is actually a nice guy. It was so odd to see Scott William Scott in a nice role. It was tough to imagine, but Scott pulls it off. It was a successful role too, as the smallest things he does will win you over, such as refusing to step on the team logo with his skate. In amongst the blood and tears, he does a supreme job shedding his former raunchy, rude credits (Stiffler, Wheeler, etc.) and donning a completely new, positive persona. Now, that being said, bring on the American Reunion.
Biggest surprise? Doug Glatt is actually a nice guy. It was so odd to see Scott William Scott in a nice role. It was tough to imagine, but Scott pulls it off. It was a successful role too, as the smallest things he does will win you over, such as refusing to step on the team logo with his skate. In amongst the blood and tears, he does a supreme job shedding his former raunchy, rude credits (Stiffler, Wheeler, etc.) and donning a completely new, positive persona. Now, that being said, bring on the American Reunion.
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Mastermind or Mook?
I spend a lot of time around poker. While my job certainly accounts for a lot of that time, I do like to dowse in a bit of reading and play as well. I try to avoid online play when possible, as it tends to do more harm than good.
Poker is a game. It involves luck. It involves skill. Those two factors do not waiver. So many people believe it is all one way or another, but it is not true. If I can decipher your actions so indepthly that I can pinpoint your cards down to the suit, I've all but eradicated the luck portion. That being said, if you can only catch one of two cards to win in a deck of 52, it is not impossible.
Poker is a river...you can only steer it. If you try to control it, you will only capsize. Ride it when it flows well, rest when the waters are still.
I have not played much lately. I am taking more financially responsible steps lately (or trying anyway) and do not have a bankroll. Sure, if I wanted I could sit into a game with no bankroll, but that's no good. So I'm carrying on my usual playless day when an email comes in from Pokerstars. Apparently starting Friday they have a new series of events that are all micros. You can buy in for tournaments as low as eleven cents, and the payoffs are going to be much larger than a standard tournament. At this point, my account is riding on bones. I have only got around $100 dollars to my name there, so this will provide me many chances of scoring a nice payday. For instance, the prize pool in the 11 cent tournament is $25,000. The largest event, price tag is $22, pays over $150,000 to first with a 1,000,000 prize pool! So this tournament will be seeing a lot of me.
While the events are soooo juicy, I do not play a ton of hold'em online. This tournament will draw tons of people, and the straight fact is, most of these players do not know squat about the game. This actually gives them an advantage. They make a dumb move that the better players do not anticipate because it is a ludicrous play and it could send the pro to the rail at any moment. But here's the beauty. They have some mixed games as well, including my favorite game, PLO8. Pot Limit Omaha with an 8 or better split. Rather than conventional hold'em, Omaha gives you four cards, but you must play two and only two. In hold'em, if four diamonds land on your board, and you have the ace of diamonds, you got the biggest flush possible. If you have the ace of diamonds and three black cards in Omaha, and four diamonds come, you do not have the flush. You MUST use two of your cards. Not only that, but Eight-Or-Better split adds another weird twist. You are not only trying to get the best five card hand, but the worst five card hand as well. So many people avoid this game because of the complexity, and the amateurs that play it are well liked because the theory is so tricky that they often ship money to bigger players faster than Fedex. Most of my success comes from PLO8, so I will be definitely playing that one.
I will be keeping a spreadsheet of how I do, where I place, any potential earnings, etc. You will find it on here when I include a new post. Good luck to all my friends playing as well. Hee haw.
While the events are soooo juicy, I do not play a ton of hold'em online. This tournament will draw tons of people, and the straight fact is, most of these players do not know squat about the game. This actually gives them an advantage. They make a dumb move that the better players do not anticipate because it is a ludicrous play and it could send the pro to the rail at any moment. But here's the beauty. They have some mixed games as well, including my favorite game, PLO8. Pot Limit Omaha with an 8 or better split. Rather than conventional hold'em, Omaha gives you four cards, but you must play two and only two. In hold'em, if four diamonds land on your board, and you have the ace of diamonds, you got the biggest flush possible. If you have the ace of diamonds and three black cards in Omaha, and four diamonds come, you do not have the flush. You MUST use two of your cards. Not only that, but Eight-Or-Better split adds another weird twist. You are not only trying to get the best five card hand, but the worst five card hand as well. So many people avoid this game because of the complexity, and the amateurs that play it are well liked because the theory is so tricky that they often ship money to bigger players faster than Fedex. Most of my success comes from PLO8, so I will be definitely playing that one.
I will be keeping a spreadsheet of how I do, where I place, any potential earnings, etc. You will find it on here when I include a new post. Good luck to all my friends playing as well. Hee haw.
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The Book of Disciples: Wherein the Gord inspires Logan.
I posted a story on my facebook page a while ago about an idiot that phoned me at work and his lack of IQ managed to corner me. I got tons of reviews and feedback about it, and it was received well.
I received a request just before that from a bowler I've known for years that I should chronicle the idiots I run across in my jobs. While this a) gives the idiot too much credit and b) is too much work and a potential liability, sometimes it is worth writing about.
In my high school days, I got a tip to visit a website in my tech. class. This tip lead to the usual path of no homework being done, time wasted, and a large amount of unconventional wisdom. www.actsofgord.com is forever a favorite. Yes, it is meant as a play of words on "Acts of God".
I posted a story on my facebook page a while ago about an idiot that phoned me at work and his lack of IQ managed to corner me. I got tons of reviews and feedback about it, and it was received well.
I received a request just before that from a bowler I've known for years that I should chronicle the idiots I run across in my jobs. While this a) gives the idiot too much credit and b) is too much work and a potential liability, sometimes it is worth writing about.
In my high school days, I got a tip to visit a website in my tech. class. This tip lead to the usual path of no homework being done, time wasted, and a large amount of unconventional wisdom. www.actsofgord.com is forever a favorite. Yes, it is meant as a play of words on "Acts of God".
No offense meant.
"The Gord" is a former video game store owner, and has chronicled his stories of idiot customers, weird events, and cherished memories. By all means, check it out. It is well worth the read, even more so if you are familiar with Video Games. Here is my story:
"The Gord" is a former video game store owner, and has chronicled his stories of idiot customers, weird events, and cherished memories. By all means, check it out. It is well worth the read, even more so if you are familiar with Video Games. Here is my story:
I was at work yet again (a theme in my life) and a group is bowling on friday night. I have not been feeling well that day, and my frustration was at a "Moderate" level, or yellow if you go camping and only know the word moderate through the fire danger signs. While the Gord is long gone...and missed...I am inspired to this day with his customer service abilities. His phrase "Door's to your left" awakes me in my sleep. So there I am, spraying shoes, when I am alerted by the crashing of balls on the lane. I look up to see two twits throwing multiple balls at a lane that is turned off. While my cohort begins to type a message to their screen, I have taken action.
Grabbing the microphone, which instantly elevates my voice louder than theirs, I ask them to stop throwing balls because their lane is turned off. True, it was turned off BECAUSE they were idiots, but seeing as how they have had a couple of boozies, no need to get technical. I omitted the information about how they could blow the sensor, or damage something else equally as expensive.
Thing 1 and Thing 2 decide I was not talking to them, and proceed to return firing at the dead lane.
I have had enough. Normally, I am slightly more patient, but I'm sick, they are stupid, and enough is enough. Back to the microphone!
"HEY! DON'T MAKE ME PHYSICALLY REMOVE YOU!"
Thing 1 and Thing 2 decide I was not talking to them, and proceed to return firing at the dead lane.
I have had enough. Normally, I am slightly more patient, but I'm sick, they are stupid, and enough is enough. Back to the microphone!
"HEY! DON'T MAKE ME PHYSICALLY REMOVE YOU!"
Now I've got the attention of everybody. Seems like I've embarrassed these two.
Success! The renegade bowling has stopped. They are now silent as they rejoin their group and take off the bowling shoes. My coworker has not said anything, but I figure if I'm to be disciplined, I'd gladly receive it for a win, not a loss.
Things 1 and 2 come to the counter with their shoes, put them on the counter. Then, to my disbelief, formed words start coming from their mouths.
Thing 1: "Yo man, what wuzzat? You got sumthin to say?"
Oh the window of opportunity. I wish we weren't inside so the clouds could part for this one.
"Yes, as a matter of fact. Doors to your left."
Thing 1: "What choo say???."
Things 1 and 2 come to the counter with their shoes, put them on the counter. Then, to my disbelief, formed words start coming from their mouths.
Thing 1: "Yo man, what wuzzat? You got sumthin to say?"
Oh the window of opportunity. I wish we weren't inside so the clouds could part for this one.
"Yes, as a matter of fact. Doors to your left."
Thing 1: "What choo say???."
Logan: "I made it as clear as possible. Get lost."
"Yo man, you can't say that to me. You know who I am? You wanna find out?."
"New plan, get the hell out. Now."
"New plan, get the hell out. Now."
Thing 2 comes up now.
Thing 1: "Come on, you gonna throw me out?"
Logan: "I would love to, but I already told security they could."
Thing 2: "Go ahead, call security."
*Blink Blink*
Logan: "Uhh...if you want me to I gladly will. Or you could get the hell out of my bowling centre. Your call."
Thing 1: "Come on, you gonna throw me out?"
Logan: "I would love to, but I already told security they could."
Thing 2: "Go ahead, call security."
*Blink Blink*
Logan: "Uhh...if you want me to I gladly will. Or you could get the hell out of my bowling centre. Your call."
At this point, Thing 2 starts telling my cohort about how I should "watch it."
While my cohort is indeed my superior, he has been silent until now.
Cohort: "Well, he did tell you to stop nicely, we ..."
While my cohort is indeed my superior, he has been silent until now.
Cohort: "Well, he did tell you to stop nicely, we ..."
Thing 2: "I don't care..He still better watch himself."
Thing 1-to Me: "Bring it on."
Ever see a dog's ears perk up when food is poured into it's bowl? That was similar to my reaction.
Apparently skinny dweeb wasn't expecting me to rise to the challenge.
Thing 1 and Thing 2 leave, still telling me to watch it.
Apparently the alcohol has created something that I cannot see, because I'm evidently still failing to watch what I'm supposed to be watching.
They leave the center, still pointing at me through the glass door, mouthing words which I assume were either "watch it" (creative) or crotch-itch. Either way, I figure now that they are gone and the powder keg has failed to ignite, time to resume being professional from my momentary lapse.
Or maybe not. I was never good with temptation.
The last thing they saw as they left was me at the counter, with the biggest smile I could possibly muster on my face. Good riddance, buttheads.
Now...where was the rest of the group? Oh yeah, handing in their shoes, all untied, apologizing for their friends, who were in danger of not getting a ride home. I love happy endings.
Still no word from dillholes...if anyone has figured out what I'm supposed to be watching, please inform me at once.
They leave the center, still pointing at me through the glass door, mouthing words which I assume were either "watch it" (creative) or crotch-itch. Either way, I figure now that they are gone and the powder keg has failed to ignite, time to resume being professional from my momentary lapse.
Or maybe not. I was never good with temptation.
The last thing they saw as they left was me at the counter, with the biggest smile I could possibly muster on my face. Good riddance, buttheads.
Now...where was the rest of the group? Oh yeah, handing in their shoes, all untied, apologizing for their friends, who were in danger of not getting a ride home. I love happy endings.
Still no word from dillholes...if anyone has figured out what I'm supposed to be watching, please inform me at once.
Dear Gord....I love you.
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That is all for today guys. Have a great week, sleep well, and watch it.
Logan
Logan
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