I DECLARE WAR!
In this issue of the Letter, I declare war upon certain things/factions/idiots that reoccur in my life. Perhaps (and it is only a slight chance) my eternal complaining could indeed change the said issue and have it cease to come back. But in the more likely scenario, it will likely change nothing. I often try to promote truth, peace and awareness with my column. Today though, I create havoc. Ready the cannons.
Also in this issue:
"Hunger Games" Movie Review
"Scions of Shannara" Review
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Scions of Shannara
We've covered the quest for the legendary sword, witnessed the rebirth of the magical tree, and destroyed the book that manipulated the world's very face. Generations later, we find ourselves once again in the Four Lands, with a very different reality. The History of Shannara is that...History. We jump into the world many years later, with the Ohmsford family still connected. The story now is tied not to one, but four members of the Ohmsford bloodline. Par and Coll, two brothers directly descended from the line, both have very different roles. Par still has some use of Jair's wishsong ability, and uses it to paint images about his families history as entertainment, while Coll does the narrating. The story also focuses on Wren Ohmsford, a cousin of Par and Coll, who's prominent Elven features are a mystery, along with her past. Lastly is Walker Boh, who remains one of my favorite characters from all the books. He is a dark, embattled enigma who would remain shut away from the world. While each book had it's own story before, the Heritage of Shannara series is one large story comprised of four books. (These would be the Scions of Shannara, the Druid of Shannara, The Elf Queen of Shannara and the Talismans of Shannara.)
The story begins as the members of the family are all summoned to the Hadeshorn by the shade of the long-since gone Allanon. Each are charged with a certain task, each with great importance, which would forever change the Four Lands. While the evil of the Ildatch was disposed of, remnants of dark magic have manifested themselves into creatures, and these abominations of magic are known as Shadowen. Par is charged with recovering the Sword of Shannara, while Wren is to find the missing Elves of the Westland, and Walker Boh is to resurrect the Druid's Keep and restore the Druids. If you've read the book, you'll see the enormity of what is asked.
Altogether, this book leads into a fantastic series that is incredibly indepth, and it is well worth the read. Brooks shows his continual improvement as a writer and creates so many new things in a very old world, providing both beloved familiarity and young fascination with the unexplored.
Read these books, dammit.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hunger Games Review
I found myself in the Imax theatre on Saturday, trying to decide if I'm going to like this movie. Seems like lately the world has been infatuated with things that confuse me. I have not read the books, but I have the plotline explained to me. If you don't want a very vague spoiler...do not read this review.
Apparently, and the details are left out, 24 youth are selected each year for a Fight to the Death competition, leaving the victor with prestige, glory, and food for their own division in society. Credit must be given to the writer as it constantly reminded me of Richard Connell's short story, "The Most Dangerous Game". I found myself picking out similarities between the two quite often.
Obviously there are some ethics problems. The concept can be gruesome enough, but having kids from ages 12-18 doing the fighting seems almost ridiculous. Yet the movie does it relatively tastefully if we can call it that, and it seems apparent that the moviemaking department took great care in the presentation. At one point, I thought it was weird that the protagonist was not playing a large enough role in taking some of these other competitors out. It was at that moment I realized my concept of social structure indeed had changed as I was so willing to accept the drastic new changes suggested in the movie. Survival is natural and takes over social etiquette with this type of anarchy.
As with many stories, I imagine the book was much better, and I'm sure many of the readers will agree. There's no way it couldn't be. Yet for one such as myself who has not read it, I found the movie very intriguing and contemplative. Definitely worth the watch, but readers beware.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
War Be Upon Thee...
Join me as I take up arms against enemies that are not so traditional! Fight with me, and I will gladly fight alongside you in battles that you deem worthy. Also, please feel free to leave thoughts/comments/unmentioned enemies either here or on my facebook page, and I will gladly include them in the next column if I get enough response. Fight well my friends, and
I Declare War Upon:
SNOW! - While you have been an enemy only recently, I am fed up with your large quantities and the fact you only come around during winter. Why don't you come out for Stampede, cool us off on a warm day? Your annoyance on a cold windy day leads me to assume that you are asking for me to punch every single snowflake in the face.
MCDONALDS - Over the course of my life I have ingested many of your menu items, and now that I'm eating healthier and can say that I do not even crave you is a victory in itself. However, you must be held accountable for a wrong that you have still to this day not been held accountable for: getting rid of the famous Orange Drink. WTF were you thinking. Oh and when you bring that back, bring back the damn pizza.
HAIR - It's bad enough when I got hair that is not located on my head. Do you really need to leave my cat and find my nice Calvin Klein suit every time I take it off?
CHUCK LORRE - Creator of both Two and a Half Men and Big Bang Theory, among other shows. Obviously he is a very creative writer so I shall not fault him for that...but I believe writing Big Bang Theory was a personal assault on me. If you look at his main characters...Leonard, Sheldon, Howard and Rajesh, their flaws are, respectively, thus. Short, Smartass, Thinks he is funnier than he really is, and can't speak to women. Thank you so much Mr. Lorre, for pointing out in a TV series everything that I am.
KITTY LITTER - YOU STINK
RISK - While I love the game, I hate how if your attacking you have to use two dice if you have three people. Yes, I understand the reasoning, no you are still not forgiven. Also, I do not believe that Greenland should be associated with North America. It's done nothing for us.
MEN'S HEALTH MAGAZINE - You are a good read with tons of good workout and health advice. But WHY do you insist on putting fragrance ads with these shirtless guys with mysterious looking backgrounds? No man will ever look at that and think, "Holy crap, if I spray on some Dolce and Gabbana, I'll get ripped so fricken fast!" Put a fragrance ad that has a good looking girl with the words "If you smell good, you still have to do 200 sit-ups each day to lose that gut, fatty."
SCREAMING LITTLE KIDS - God gave me fists for a reason.
HEADPINS - Not the band.
BILLS - Monthly reminders that life can suck.
HUNGER GAMES - Doesn't have any reference to the true original hunger game, Hungry Hungry Hippos.
PUTTIES FROM POWER RANGERS - Nothing was more ineffective than the bad guys from Power Rangers. Evil Rita would send in a batch of these clay baddies that she made with her easy bake oven every time before the monster showed up. Why not just cook a big batch? Better yet, make them run for congress.
KONY - What the hell is Kony?
REQUESTS - In my lifetime, I have no desire to play Farmville, Castleville, or any other crap people send me on facebook.
AMERICAN IDOL - Give it a rest.
LIKE-LIKES - Stop eating my damn shield...it costs a crapload of rupees to replace it and there is no shop in the middle of the fricken fire temple.
GAME SYSTEMS - Sure the graphics are better and gameplay more intense, but here's something. Games back then were awesome. My Xbox 360 just stopped reading my game, so I had to take it to best buy. They sent it away and it was gone for 2 weeks. If I didn't have the extended warranty, it would likely have been another large, gross bill. Now I can play until it craps out again. Ever have a game not read with a super nintendo? Just blow on the cartridge and it worked again. It's magic.
FRODO - No matter how hard I try, I cannot like him. He's just a big Pansy.
RENTING - Would love to own my OWN place, but at this point in the road I can only afford to rent. If I met a real estate agent, he'd only be able to deal me something with the equivalent of Baltic or Mediterranean from Monopoly. And then I'd hit luxury tax.
Thanks again for the visit, hope you all have a good week. Remember, if you guys have something to declare war on, let me know and we'll take a look!
Until next week,
Logan
No comments:
Post a Comment