*UPDATE* JANUARY 24/2013

  This will be a slightly selfish edition of Logan's Letter, I'm afraid.  First of all, I mistyped the link that leads to this page, only to find out that long before my column was an actual, historical "Logan's Letter" which was written by American native leader Logan the Orator.  So now I have squandered his semi-famous letter and have unwittingly stolen some fame from it.  Oh well, if his was that good, I might have heard of it.  By the way, I'm going jogging tomorrow, and thinking I should name it Logan's Run.

  But I digress....


  A couple of points before we get started here.  Have you ever had that feeling where you feel like your the only person that is really alive on this planet?  As in that nobody else exists?  I used to think that as a kid and teenager.  I would watch as all these people who really did not stand out in any way would walk by, eyes down, and I'd never see them again.  I used to even label them as "filler people", who were just there to fill this world that I was living in.  Kind of like the Matrix, which is such a mindjob of a movie.  I felt as though the Matrix was a wonderful example of this feeling; with so many bodies around me, yet completely estranged from anything real.

  Well, over the past few years, I never gave this any more thought.  As I spent some of my teenage years battling depression, I really thought that it may have just been a side effect to that.  But I was studying a Philosopher in school the other day named Rene Descartes, and his work was really reaching out and grabbing me.

  For non-philosophy people, which is almost everybody, there has been a large controversy which has two distinct sides.  These two sides are known as "Empiricism" and "Cartesian".  If you follow the  Cartesian principles, you are siding with Rene Descartes. (hence where the word "Cartesian" comes from) Descartes had declared that everyone should, at one point in there life, strip themselves of everything they know.  He believed that our world (which was even more so when he was alive) was truly designed by everybody else's opinions, and if we were to discover the truth about life, we must shed everything from what we have been told about religion, politics, etc.  We must shed our trust in our senses, knowing that our senses having the ability to deceive.  (Like watching a magic trick).  We must unlearn everything we know, which includes the most obvious of statements.  In doing this, we can relearn everything from where we are today.  Our views have been shaped by our upbringing, our parents, the world we grew up in and the people that have told us why things are the way they are.

  Again, this could elude to the damn Matrix again, when Neo asks Morpheus why his eyes hurt, and Morpheus coolly replies "Because you have never used them before".

  As you read this, could you even imagine doing that?  By giving yourself the ability to challenge everything you know, do you not claim more personal power?  Surely the feeling of being alone in this world is a very radical thought and Descartes even brings that up, as he says he can only prove his own existence, not the existence of everyone else.

  On the other hand, Empiricists would argue that our knowledge is purely formed from what our senses teach us.  They would say that we know things because we have experienced them.  We know the sun is hot because we feel it's warmth.  Many Empiricists make good scientists, as they need and use data to enforce their theories.

  Another thing is that Cartesian-style thinking often naturally induces a sense of solitude.  People who start questioning what they know about the world often are not with other people, and that isolation is a very big factor.  If you cannot prove if someone really exists, what is the point of talking to them?   This surely is an extreme example, but I would say that for everyone who can relate to the Cartesian viewpoint in this reading, you may have a much more natural tendency to be introverted and alone.

  On to the point of all this. I am a very introverted, normally quiet person. I have looked back to this past year, and realized one thing.  If I consciously strip everything that I know from my life and make the effort to relearn it all, with all of my past and my struggles out the window, then in essence who I am right now would ultimately be forfeited.

  On the personal side, maybe this is not a bad thing.  I apologize in advance for how enigmatic and non-descriptive this next part is, but it is important that I remain vague to protect the people involved.  I know I have some good friends who may raise their eyebrows at this, so if anybody wants to talk I'd rather talk with you in person.

  I am very frustrated right now because I have worked so hard to change who I am and to become someone better.  Yet in these past two weeks, a major event has ultimately shown me that the dark part of me that I really am not proud of still lingers on.  Worse, where I had ultimately come to accept that before, it has manifested in a new way.  There has been a situation that I am dealing with that really has me puzzled.

Currently I am faced with a decision to either:
A) Take this issue and attempt to fix it, knowing that if it doesn't work, then this really can damage a lot of the work I have done up to this point. Worse, more and more evidence shows that I may not succeed in doing this, and even if I do, the fixed issue has a ton of room for error.  If it does fall apart, then much of the changes I've gone through will have been for nothing.  I also risk reverting back to that dark place if I am not strong enough. But if I chose to do this and it does pay off, then it could in fact lead to the very thing I have been looking for my entire life.

B) Cut and Run, knowing that the margin of success is very limited, but allowing me to keep the wolf away from my door.  It would mean that the work I've been doing has not been done in vain, and it would allow me to regain some focus in my life.  It would provide me stability and calmness, and the only price I would pay would be to give up that small chance of actually finding that which I have been searching for forever.   The downside would be discovering that I had passed on the opportunity to really achieve that moment, which would be just as traumatic.

  I'm not really searching for advice on what to do.  But I would like to know from you guys, even though you don't know my situation, what would be your course of action here if you were in this position?  Would you play it safe and secure, keeping the loved ones in your life?  Or would you risk it all, and chance losing everything that used to matter to gain one thing that really matters? Would you cut your losses, or cut your one chance?

  This probably seems a little dramatic!  I have been going a little crazy with everything and how my schooling is tying into my personal life.  I have also noticed that I really cannot trust myself when it comes to certain things.  I can spend evenings putting myself through such hell with my thoughts and musings.  I would discover that I'm really at peace at one moment, but I will torture myself when the moment is over. When I finally decide I should cast it off and I'm better without it, another moment presents itself and I'm at peace again!  And no it's likely not what it may sound like.  I just seem to have my eyes looking too far forward, and then trip over things right in front of me.

  Anyways, I'm really interested to hear your thoughts on anything of this week's piece.  Philosophy is really all about the questions and not the answers, so don't feel shy about messaging me, and like I always do, will answer as quickly as possible.  As a sendoff, I've dug out a poem I wrote years ago that I think really has changed now that I'm where I am.  I see it in such a different light...and I'm sorry it may be a tad dark!  Best of luck with everything you guys are up to lately!


Until Next Time,
Logan

I’ve walked without a word down a path, so very old;
past thousands of watching faces, and all so very cold.

They watch as I trudge along, breathing not a single word;
Nobody says a thing, as I march undisturbed.

Across my back are chains and weights that threaten to pull me down;
My skin is ripped and bloodied and my feet are muddied brown.

Often the boys will laugh, as they push me to the street;
Then tease me when I don't fight back, only struggle to my feet.

I’ve been this way for many years, and it always is the same;
They offer not, I ask not, and no help ever came.

Now upon this day, something does call to my eye;
and I look to see her standing there, and fight the urge to cry.

Something like confusion is mapped across her face;
and she looks at me with acid, boasting shame and full disgrace.

She is like the others, who do not quite understand;
They pity me and scorn me for taking such weight in hand.

They tell me to cast off these heavy chains that I bear still;
they say it is not wise to treat myself with such sad will.

I turn back to the road and the girl laughs to a friend;
pointing out my pain and how she just can’t comprehend.

She calls me a fool, she calls me weak, and says I’ll never learn;
A hunched back and broken body are the only things I’ll earn.

She shakes her head as I walk away, continuing my plight;
and I forgive her like the rest of them for their blatant lack of sight.

I chose this road and this way of life, it matters not if you can see;
the wisdom that lies within the steps of my tragic odyssey.

For when it is time for me to let these wretched shackles fall,
I’ll stand there looking at you, the strongest of us all.